Why we’ve decided enough is enough

Those who know us personally know my husband and I have come to the mutual agreement that having our three children is enough. Before you begin your mental judgement, I understand that the unexpected can happen after all I am a woman of faith and believe your fate has been decided long before you even had the ability to plan. That being said however we are content with our three blessings and my recent health scare tipped us over the edge. I’ve realised now I have new readers and I’m appreciative of that, though you all should know that years ago, beginning with my first born is when this “baby curse” as I came to call it started.. only then will you understand why we’ve come to this decision.

Natural, quick, healthy labour.. 9 days later I couldn’t get up, temp at 43, unable to call the ambulance myself, thank god somebody walked in on me otherwise given another 24hrs I wouldn’t have been around. Infection of the uterus, placenta (YES BITS OF PLACENTA LEFT INSIDE OF ME) stuck to the lining quickly became infected. Hospital. Away from my newborn, unable to breastfeed. Milk gone. It should come as no shock to you that I was distraught for some time, those days without my first born, smelling his scent, it was hell.. hell on earth.

Time passed, we began trying for another this time our second pregnancy ended with a miscarriage.. we tried again, and we were blessed💚  except this time, although same natural labour and healthy baby, someone noticed a growing lump on my back which after many tests confirmed a lipoma Tumor about 7cm long, the size of a handball had to be removed. Survey. Recovery. I had two kiddies to care for.. I just wanted to desperately be back to myself to be there for them.

And our Anissa, by far my scariest health scare.. confused, everything happened so quickly. Recovery HIDEOUS ! Pain unbearable ! Unable to carry anything over 5kg, crashing at mums because I was unable to do even the basics at home.I dismissed it as a sharp pain although following the surgery it was made clear there was something a lot more serious going on inside of my body. The surgery conducted was the removal of my appendix and during my follow up 4 weeks later they revealed my appendix appeared completely normal. BUT they found serious free fluid that they had to drain which they believe was caused by the rupture of a large ovarian cyst.. without this fluid being drained, my body would have had no way of getting rid of it.. 

Then came the serious conversation, my husband and I agreeing that we want nothing more than for me to be healthy enough to raise these kids. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about it, if anything was to happen to me and our kiddies were left alone because I was selfish enough to have another child, knowing fully that something is bound to happen again.. I’d never forgive myself. Yes I know, fate, whether I die tomorrow or in ten years, but I want to live my life knowing I’m putting them first.. we can’t be selfish, three healthy beautiful kids, we are content. I want them to know I, their mother, him, their father, always put them first.

Layale

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