Reality

Reality is I’m 38 weeks pregnant.

Which brings with it a whole lot of emotions, anxiety, excitement and guilt. Anxiety because the very thought of moving with a newborn scares the shit out of me.. Excitement because I cannot freaking wait to baby this BABY! Sounds so bloody silly but when I had my first, I just couldn’t wait till he reached all his big milestones ( sitting, crawling, clapping, walking) and before I knew it he was forming sentences 😩. Along came my second and lord knows my most dominant thought was “hurry and get bigger so he’ll finally be able to play with you”.. I didn’t get to baby any of my babies 😞, this time round it’s a promise I’m making, after all..my older two already have each other🙌🏻

Lastly.. guilt.

Saying “no” to my four year old as we drove past a playground and asked if we could go down and play.. broke my heart the first time I explained to him that I was just in too much pain to chase him around, now it just shatters me completely that he doesn’t even ask anymore. He’s my best friend, my little boy, only four but can already sympathise with his Mummy… I overhead him chatting with his sister – ” When Mummy has her, well go to parks again, her tummy won’t hurt anymore”.. Ofcourse as you can imagine I cried myself to sleep that night. 

Somehow I’m trying my best to make it up to them.. putting together their hospital presents helps me feel a little less guilty.. Every night he asks me to speak to his unborn sister and ask for another hint at what she’s gotten him, and every night after I answer followed by giggles and cuddles, I leave his room more at ease than I was the night before. 

P.s. I’ve attached a picture of his gift to his new little sister.. he chose three things – a musical lion  “will help her sleep”, a rattle “will help her sing and dance” and lastly a dummy bunny ” so she won’t be alone”.. his words are beyond his years, it was evident when we wrote her card together💚

Till next time

Momma_ze