It’s okay to surrender…

Is what I’ve been telling myself these past couple of days.. funny how life changes in a year.

One year ago I was excited for what the future held, one year ago I was determined to graduate April 2018 (FREAKING FINALLY) I was ecstatic for our journey ahead as a family of four.. one year ago..

Today I am overwhelmed, today I am exhausted, today I am unsure when I will graduate, today I am anxious with 10 weeks remaining till our family becomes five.. 

I am surrendering to fate, fate says why not have three kids before you turn 24, fate says why graduate in 2018 when you can in 2020, fate says why not renovate an entire home and move in right before your due date, fate says why not do all of this while taking care of a curious preschooler and a rebel toddler.. Fate says.. Fate decides.. Has decided.. I have to learn to accept that I can’t fight it..

I tried, I tried to convince myself that I could jam in a whole semesters worth of assessments in eight weeks to make my due date, I tried to convince myself that I would be okay being out of the house every single day of the week while heavily pregnant, I tried to convince myself that while I did all of this I would still be able to spend quality time with my husband and children whilst ALSO moving house.. I tried but I couldn’t.. I realised I just can’t do it..

I’ve surrendered.. officially, and although I initially felt I had failed I’ve realised that overwhelming myself with unrealistic expectations will only make me more anxious and frustrated.. thoughts and emotions that aren’t particularly healthy for my unborn baby nor my family.. hell its not okay for ME!

Emotional rant over. 

Overly hormonal pregnant Mom. 

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