I don’t need sympathy 

I need change. 

People always wondered why I was a book worm.. Never made any sense why out of all of my siblings I would choose a book over playing outside or watching a movie. Everybody has a story and everybody is the way they are because of something they’re enduring or have already overcome. Reading for me was an escape, fictional novels to be precise. Give me a book light and I would not sleep until that book was done… Tearing up as I write this because I fell in love with reading for all the WRONG reasons. It makes sense now why I enjoy taking Zayn to the library, reading him books at night, going on imaginative journeys together.. My hope is when he grows older he’ll pick up a book because he WANTS to not because he HAS to. 

My mother was amazing,heck that word isn’t enough.. She sung every nursery rhyme under the sun, would buy me new picture books and ask me to draw my own conclusions or tell her the story from my point of view then she’d begin to read it.. I remember staring at her in awe, as if she were performing magic, creating characters, changing voices when along she was just reading. That’s the beauty of innocence when your young, you don’t know much.. 

As I got older it became more obvious, as beautiful as she was.. She was somehow being punished.. The yelling, the shoving, glass breaking – tears, lots and lots of tears. There I was a ten year old, rushing to my bedroom, opening the drawer “read read read” I’d whisper to myself almost as if I was in a rush, come to think of it I was.. I wanted to escape, I wanted it to be over, he usually went for 15 minutes but I’d cry as I’d begin to read, and before I knew it there I was riding a dragon in my favourite book ‘Eragon’. It didn’t matter to me that an hour went by, I was away, I was happy – he was done.

Domestic Violence is real, it happens.. To all the women that say “I’m staying for my kids” RUN! Your kids shouldn’t have to escape life in their own home, their safe place.. Your children shouldn’t have to fall asleep quietly sobbing wondering why you woke up with eyes so swollen from all the tears.. Your children shouldn’t have to hide in their bedroom and cover their younger brothers ears as he yells and hits you while they endure the psychological trauma.. Your children need a HAPPY home. That’s not to say my parents didn’t have happy days, when those days happened I would get all excited and try to enjoy them, but when those days turned into weeks I’d worry, because it wouldn’t have been long before he’d decide to have another pointless fit.

My point is whether your single or married, make your goal as a couple to be the best of friends, show love and compassion.. Kiss each other infront of your kids, giggle and give endless cuddles, children Are not children for long and as they get older they’ll be able to recognise love and instantly feel at home. They shouldn’t have to escape reality but rather live in the moment, full of happiness and joyful experiences.

Mum I am so proud of you, proud of the guts it took to stand on your own two feet. And when my children grow older and they need a story of inspiration I can tell you now it won’t begin with ‘once upon a time’. 💚

Disclaimer –  you want to argue ? Bite your tongue and say “bed time”. Children shouldn’t witness an intense arguement between their parents, that can happen while they’re snoozing away dreaming of Peter Pan. No bed time routine ? Text.. Emojis make arguements so much more fun 😊

Momma_ze

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