Memory of a fish ?

I just don’t seem to remember.. I don’t remember it being this difficult. 😞
What was it with my LO ? That I was distracted because I was working full time when I found out I was pregnant ? Was it that I was keeping myself busy all day that I had no time to “be sick” ?

These questions run through my head at least a million times every day ! Poor DH doesn’t get the chance to say good morning without me bolting away like the superhero “flash” to let out what’s been sitting at my throat all night 😐. I don’t complain, or at least I don’t feel I have the right to complain.. This is what we wanted, we wanted this pregnancy oh so very badly – it happened, we were blessed & it actually happened πŸ™Œ. But boy this nausea, over craving of sleep, feeling like there’s an alien in my tummy that wants to eat the whole world yet can’t hold down a biscuit has just sucked all the life outa me.

I don’t even have the energy to carry a civilised conversation with anybody – my new mantra is ” if it’s not urgent I won’t speak”. I mean seriously ?! When LO was a newborn I laughed at the whole “sleep when baby is sleeping”.. These days I’m falling asleep before I see his eyes close πŸ˜‚. DH’s theory is that this little being might be a girl and that’s why I’m “soooo different” this time round ( does he remember me blowing bubbles and making rainbows the first time ?) I legitimately can’t remember.

What are your theories ? Is this normal ? Even if you’re having the same sex ? But two different pregnancies ? Or does it mean I really do have some spoilt daddy’s girl in there that’s paying me back for every time I slammed my bedroom door out of anger towards my darling mama bear.

P.s. Karma, please don’t be cruel πŸ™ˆ

Always,

Momma_z

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Why I failed at being “happy”

I failed.. I failed at being happy – does that even sound okay ? Not to me it doesn’t.

So for those of you who have kept up to date with my blog, I recently posted about taking up a challenge that was all over social media: #100happydays
So the point was to take a picture of something that made you happy every day.. You had to capture it by photograph – “easy” I assumed initially – or so I thought.

I have given up the challenge at 22 days of being happy ? ( oh god that sounds weird even saying those words aloud ). This challenge just wasn’t realistic enough for me, it wasn’t the common excuse of not having enough time ( according to http://www.100happydays.com ) – I’m pretty much a social media freak.. But is it really possible to capture the things that make you happy in a photograph ? I had the decision making moment yesterday – hubby wasn’t home, LO and I had been indoors for two days due to the wind (more like a tornado) that ripped across Syd. LO heard a loud bang, most likely the tree outside banging against the carport – all of a sudden his face struck an expression I had never seen before, mouth wide open, eyes cringed and before I knew it he was running towards me squealing “mama”… That moment right there – oh was just so magical, he convinced me right then and there that in his big world of large furniture and giants, I was somehow his super hero. Happy was not the word, I felt like I could literally spread my wings and fly.

I realised.. It would have been impossible to capture that moment, I mean yes a photo speaks a thousand words, but you cannot capture the million emotions pumping through your veins. The little things, like waking up with my eyes half open and hearing him giggle, the fuzzy feeling that buzzes through my spine – I cannot capture that.

I failed at being happy, though thinking about it now I succeeded in being real !

Always,

Momma_z

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Is this real ?

As I type this, I can’t help but imagine a little being kicking in my tummy. Only six weeks along I can’t help but google baby boy and girl names. I can’t help but assume that this time, everything will work out just fine.

It feels different, everything about being pregnant “this time” FEELS different.. Does that even make sense ? Oh hell I don’t know, coming from the crazy woman who imagines a baby kicking πŸ‘€ I remember it like it was yesterday.. It was almost as if I knew something wasn’t right.. There was no craving, no over sleeping, no tiredness and no sudden urge of hunger.

This time round – it’s a different ball game, I never took naps with my LO ! Even when he was a newborn, just never did.. This time round, I’ve been falling asleep even before I see his eyes close πŸ˜‚.. I dream of food, wake at 4am , only for hubby to catch my head in the fridge while I desperately try not to make a sound while eating a tim tam ( truly difficult !) I feel it.. As silly as it sounds, because according to my baby app this baby is only as tiny as an “orange seed” and hasn’t even “grown it’s tail yet” πŸ‘€ I feel it 😊

Its fate, I can’t fight it – what’s meant to happen will happen. But is it wrong to think that I won’t be able to bare another miscarriage ? My mentality this time round is at a whole other level.. I don’t think I’ll be able to brush it off so easily.

I talk to him/her… Sometimes even asking it to “pray really really hard so you’ll be strong enough to meet mama, baba and your brother zayn” As stupid as that sounds, it makes all the sense in the world to me 😌

As for now, I need to remain patient.. Dating scan in about three weeks – if anything I think I’ll become even more crazy, who knows I might even name my little orange seed 😭 I thank you all for your support trough this journey. As I’ve acknowledged before, this blog has become my diary and you all are my inspiration.

Always,

Momma_z
P.s You all know me & my humour πŸ™ˆ

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Big News..

For those of you who have read through some of my posts.. I opened up previously about my Husband and I wanting to having another child. With the power and will of God, I have been blessed with a third pregnancy ( following my first miscarriage after LO ).

I couldn’t help myself, I think ran through two boxes of the ‘3 packet’ pregnancy test kits ☺️, just had to make sure the two lines were on all six of them πŸ˜‚. Off to my local GP I went today, conducted a urine test again just to double confirm and a blood test ( hate those things ). Hopefully all is well when those results get back but for now I feel like my emotions are on hold…

Is that normal ? Everything that I’ve ever wanted has happened, yet I feel like I’m not allowed to be happy yet. I’ve read that it’s common amongst women that have miscarried before to feel no excitement till they pass the 12 week ‘safe zone’ – but I don’t understand why I’m not able to embrace the fact that it’s happened and jump for joy !

I mentioned earlier the roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts I had around the planning of a second pregnancy – I’m proud to say I’m not embarrassed to mention my pregnancy in front of anyone.. Maybe a little too confident. The other day I was at woolies, the checkout chick as per normal asked “so how are you today ?” “I’m pregnant” I blurted 😭. Hubby couldn’t control his laughter when I told him, but I saw that gleam in his eyes, he didn’t have to tell me but I knew he was proud of me, proud of the progress I made.

Yes I’m still in fear, fear of the unknown and to be honest it scares me to pieces, but isn’t that life ? It’s full of the unknown.. I can’t stop praying that this little miracle in my tummy stays in there till I can see him/ her in 8 months time – considering the fact though “you can’t fight fate”. What’s meant to happen will happen, whatever the outcome is I know that I am loved and supported and in the end I guess that’s all that really matters.

So there you have it – although I haven’t replied to all your well wishes and inspirational stories, just know you all are what keeps me going.. In a way this blog has become my journal – except in this magical world, my words speak back !

P.S. It’s nice to remind myself how lucky I really am, with my LO keeping me on my toes all day, it’s pretty hard not to be grateful πŸ’š

Always,

Momma_z

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Living behind the inlaws..

So I’ve been chatting about this with a lot of people that I’ve come across especially when meeting them for the first time. They want to know all about your life, as you would with any stranger that strikes to have a great personality. The questions start rolling like; “How old were you when you got married?” ” How old is your hubby ?” and then ” Oh have you got your own house ?”… HMMM

First about me..
Hubby and I got engaged in April of 2011, he had a stable job but was on a wage just like any average person out there. One thing I loved about him was he was a man full of conditions ( I type this smiling )..
One: ‘ You will not work if you don’t want to and I promise I will try my hardest so that there wont come a day where I tell you, you have to ‘
Two: ‘ You wake up with me for breakfast before work ( 5.30am ) because seeing your face first thing in the morning will make my whole day that much easier ‘
Three: ‘ I will never question a dollar that is spent, I know the woman I am marrying and you understand how hard I work to provide and support the both of us ‘

So there they were, his conditions in black and white, at first I couldn’t help but laugh my brains out ! Was he serious ? Did he just give me the 1950’s ideal manual for the perfect “housewife” ? Following a lot of reading and re reading I agreed, but only once I clarified a couple of things ☺️
My Reply:
One: ‘ I will work if I WANT to ‘
Two: ‘ I will wake up with you because I understand I won’t be seeing you all day ‘
Three: ‘ Yes I comprehend but I will feel better knowing that you know ‘

So that was it, we were ready to get married and live happily ever after ! REEEEEMMMMMIIIIXXXXXX

Four: ‘ We will have to live behind my sister’s home for at least 4 years just so we can stand up on our feet and get our own home ‘

HUUUUH ( insert mini heart attack )

I mean yes I met his sister, but there’s a difference between conversing with someone and living behind them. I questioned everything from the future of our living status to our relationship. It took long nights of deliberation with my Mama Bear.. I was scared.. “Scared of what?” She asked “I don’t want my life to be like the horror stories I hear of others living behind their inlaws”.. And so calmly she replied ” Its all in your hands”. That was it, plain and simple. I would later understand what her answer meant.

Reality never hit till the plans went under action.. I was surprised at the generosity of space that we’d have. ” Three Bedrooms, Two bathrooms – it will be great” I repeated over and over (looking back now I think it was an effort to convince myself).

Thankfully my sister inlaw R was so understanding and surprisingly just as anxious and nervous as me. I think secretly she was more worried than I was πŸ™ˆ. We had long conversations while our home was being built in her back yard about how she was a very private person, and that some people may get offended that she doesn’t like to interact with others as much. All I could think of was “FEW”.

Two and a half years later and I couldn’t be happier! Happy at the fact that we have this fortunate opportunity to live like this, to save and set ourselves up for future investments. And the fact that I can count on someone to give me tomatoes when I’m half way through the salad only to realise I’ve run out is always a bonus ! 😁

Point of this post is: No matter what your circumstance is – It’s all in your hands. You make whatever life throws at you as easy as you want or as hard as you want. You can choose to look at the Cons of every situation or to focus on the Pros.

Always,

Momma_z

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Cos I’m HAAPPY!

So whether you have Facebook, Twitter or Instagram you would have noticed a new social media craze, also known as the 100 happy days that’s been floating around on your newsfeed..
Truth be told –
I had no idea what it was at first, confused at the hash tagging some of my friends had.. E.g. ” Day 24 – movie marathon #100happydays”. So like any other average human that was lost – I googled it 😳 First thing that my good pal google showed was the website http://www.100happydays.com. As I skimmed through the page, nearly half way through I thought, well something makes me happy every day I’m sure! Until I read that 71% of people that take the challenge are unable to sustain the day number through to a 100 and give up. ” Did this website thingy just challenge me?” – I immediately thought “DONE”.

Okay.. Maybe that was abit early, I’m only on day two ☺️. But I think it’s possible ! It’s a challenge that encourages you to wake up in the morning and find something that motivates you that little bit extra to have a positive and productive day. As part of the challenge you also have to post a picture of what made you happy ! So no cheat cheat 😜

I encourage all you amazing souls to take up this challenge ! To do so, head to their website and register, also hashtag #mummyadventures so I’d be able to follow your 100 days of happiness journey 😊.

P.S. No doubt in my mind that this little boy lights up my mind, body and soul every day.. I’m just curious to see what other things during my day contribute to having a grin wiped over my face.

Always,

Momma_z

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